Damn, Girl(s)-Dahomey Amazons, the Fiercest Women This Side of the Mississippi

The African kingdom of Dahomey (today's Benin) is sometimes referred to as 'Black Sparta'. This is honestly a little insulting to the Dahomey, because the Spartans were Boy Scouts with peashooters in comparison to the fearsome armies of the Dahomey, especially the ferocious all-female units known as the Dahomey Amazons.

Modern Benin highlighted in red.

These Amazons were formed originally sometime during the late 1600s. They didn't start out as warriors, their initial purpose was to hunt elephants, but in the early 1700s the Dahomey King was so impressed by their fighting, that he enlisted the Amazons as his palace guard, from there they were assimilated into the regular army.

There was nothing 'regular' about the Amazons however. These ladies trained more strenuously than the men, and were required to undergo huge tests of strength and endurance. Part of their training required climbing thorn covered walls without showing pain, and fighting off masses of prisoners of war. They were fierce women, and they never ran away from a fight. Of course, a large part of this is due to the fact that Amazons who did try to run away were executed on the spot, but harsh desertion penalties aside, these women had a huge 'death before defeat' mentality. Their motto was literally 'Conquer or Die'.

One of the more grim parts of the training that all Dahomey solders underwent was 'desensitizing training'. This training was designed to help untested warriors get over their fear of killing people. Once a year prisoners of war were placed into baskets, and taken atop a high platform. Green recruits would then toss these prisoners off the edge of the platform. At the base of the platform was a group of angry Dahomeians ready to tear the prisoners apart.

Additionally, the Amazons were committed to a life of celibacy. They were all, nominally, married to the King (much in the way that Catholic nuns are married to Jesus), but they were forbidden from having sex. This was because pregnancy prevented a woman from fighting, and the Dahomey Amazons were all about fighting. To further insure that these women refrained from pregnancy inducing activities, it meant instant death for any man to lay a hand on an Amazon. In fact, when an Amazon went out, she generally had a slave girl walking ahead of her with a bell. Whenever they heard the bell, men would draw off to the side of the road, and look the other way, just in case.

The Amazons came from all walks of life. Some of them were third tier wives of the King whom the king did not wish to sleep with. Some were women trying to escape a life of drudgery, and some were girls who's parents had deemed them 'difficult' and 'unsuitable for marriage'.

Like the mythical Greek Amazons, the Dahomey Amazons were known for their incredible fighting skills. And, as with all such amazing warriors, it's difficult to tell fact from fiction sometimes. However, the sheer number of 'myths' suggest that, whatever the truth, these women were pretty badass. Here is an incomplete list of some of the more incredible feats that have been attributed to them:

• Tearing out a men's larynx's with their teeth
• Literally ripping stockades apart
• Wearing belts made of thorns
• Defeating entire African nations.
• Took on a group of 40 elephants. Not only did they survive, but they killed 3 of said elephants. 

One of my favorite, if a bit gruesome, stories about these ladies is how they would decapitate their dead enemies, then boil the flesh off the skull. After the skull had been defaced (literally), it would then be added to the massive pile of skulls that supported the king and queen's thrones. This may sound like a crazy story, but you can view these thrones in the historic Abomey Palace today.

Throne of King Ghez. There are a lot fewer skulls. Also a Getty
Images watermark, because who can afford $175 for a picture?
(If you can afford that, and want to donate to this blog, feel
free.)

During the times that the Amazons fought, Dahomey underwent some massive expansion. They conquered all of Benin, and most of modern Nigeria. The Dahomey were fearless and a little cocky. They regularly took down nations much larger than themselves, but they took on too much when they messed with the French. 

See, in 1890 the French hadn't conquered the Dahomey, but they had made 'protectorates' of the Dahomey's neighbors, and so when the Dahomey Amazons when a-raiding, they stepped on the toes of the French. And by 'stepped on the toes' I mean that one Dahomey Amazon decapitated the governor of the city, and wrapped it in the French tricolor.

While the French admired the Dahomey as fighters, that sort of insult obviously couldn't stand, so the French hit the Dahomey with everything they had. Thought they fought bravely (and viciously. aforementioned larynx tearing happened in the engagements against the French), the French defeated the Dahomey, and most of the Amazons were killed.

There were 50 Amazons who survived, and most of them are said to have joined Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. Most of them died in the early 1940s, but one woman, Nawi, lived until 1979. She lived well over a century, and was, probably, the last of the Amazons to die.

These women were vicious and ferocious. Their fighting tactics could make even the most desensitized of people squirm (which is why I haven't gone too in-depth), and if they lived today they'd almost certainly be categorized as war criminals. However, they are particularly notable because they were the first all female fighting regiment in all of documented history. They put the fear of God into the French (metaphorically) to the point that there was a specific addendum in the peace treaty that said that no Dahomey woman could ever pick up a weapon again.

Sources

Smithsonian Magazine

Culture Trip

Black Past

Badass of the Week

The Stone of Destiny

The Stone of Destiny, or the Stone of Scone, is living proof that legends can be true. The Stone is a symbol of Scottish Nationalism, and the place where every Scottish king until the late 13th century was crowned. Like the Scottish people, the Stone has had a tumultuous history. But, like the Scots, the Stone has survived centuries of English rule.

Aforementioned stone

The Stone supposedly has biblical origins. When Jacob wrestled with God, changed his name, and dreamt of a promised land at Beth-el (Genesis 28:11-12 , Genesis 32:28, Hosea 12:4*) he laid his head upon a stone. Legend is, the Stone of Destiny is that stone.

And how did that rock end up in Scotland? Well, supposedly Jacob held on to it. If you know anything about the Old Testament, you'll know that several decades later Jacob ended up moving his family to Egypt, where they stayed for quite a while. Here's where the Bible and Celtic legend meet. See, the Celts (well, some of the Celts) believe that they are descended from the Milesian race. The Milesians left Egypt at about the same time as the Children of Israel. Scottish legend says that Scota, a daughter of the Pharaoh, fled Egypt for Spain with her Greek husband, and that she took the stone with her.** From Spain they went to Ireland, and from Ireland, several members of the party went to Scotland. The Stone was first used in a coronation in Ireland, but it made the trip across to Scotland, where it resides today.

Scone Palace, where the Stone resided prior to 1296.

Now back to verifiable history. For thousands of years the stone was used in Scottish coronation ceremonies. It was just as much part of the coronation ceremony as the orb and scepter are today. The Stone was kept at Scone Palace, which is located in modern Argyle. The stone remained here until 1296 when Edward I conquered Scotland for the English. Edward took the stone back to England with him, and had it housed in the bottom of a chair, whereupon every proceeding English monarch would be crowned.


Fast forward about 700 years to 1950. The United Kingdom is somewhat less united, but it's still going strong. There's been a surge of Scottish nationalism (unsurprisingly), and a crew of four enterprising young Scots broke into Westminster Abbey, and stole the stone out of the chair. They then proceeded to sneak it back into Scotland, avoiding roadblocks and the British police. A few months went by, and the thieves left the stone in the ruins of Scone Abbey, wrapped in a Scottish flag. The stone was returned to Westminster Abbey, and was present for the coronation of Elizabeth II.

Edward's Chair, the throne upon which every English monarch
has been crowned. For several hundreds of years the Stone
resided in this cavity at the bottom of the chair. Today,
a replica stands there.

The Stone remained at Westminster Abbey until 1996, when it was finally returned to the Scots by the English government. The stone now resides in Edinburgh Castle, where it will stay until the next English monarch is crowned. After the coronation, the stone will be returned to its rightful place back with the Scottish people.

One of the questions lingering in my mind, however, is what is going to happen with the Stone when the Scots achieve independence? (Don't look at me like that, it's going to happen eventually. I'm just pointing out the signs of the times.) Will the Stone still be used in English Coronations? Will Charles or William be crowned atop the stone just as all their Hanover/Windsor predecessors were?***

Now, there are a few other mysteries surrounding the Stone. There have been continued doubts about the authenticity of the stone since its removal to England. One rumor is that the monks at Scone Abbey gave Edward I the stone cover of a cistern instead of the actual Stone of Destiny. (For more fascinating, in depth information on this, check out the Sons of Scotland link in the sources) More recently, there is speculation that the 1950 thieves replaced the stone with a replica, or another rock entirely.)

Edinburgh Castle, where the stone now lives.

Whether or not the Stone actually came from Ancient Israel, there is no doubt that the Stone of Destiny is a strong and powerful symbol of Scottish Nationalism. It represents the Scottish people, and is a concrete reminder of a long and storied heritage of rebels and warriors. And while the Kings who were crowned upon the Stone may have been lost to history, the Stone itself will never be forgotten.

*Standard using-the-bible-as-a-source disclaimer: While the Bible may not be accepted as truth across all religions and creeds, the Old Testament provides a valuable insight into the laws and culture of the Israel-Palestine-Mesopotamia-Egypt areas of the BCEs. Whatever you believe, you cannot deny the influence that Judeo-Christian writings and ideas have had on history. I reference the LDS Edition of the King James Bible. Why? Because I'm familiar with it.

Flag of Scotland

**I must take a moment to express my doubts. The Stone weighs about 336 pounds. I can't imagine hauling something that heavy from Beth-el to Egypt to Spain to Ireland to Scotland. But people do crazy things in the names of sentimentality and religion, so my doubts may be unjustified.


***Of course, we do have to consider the fact that Queen Elizabeth might just live forever. Scientists would have you believe that immortality is impossible, but I have faith in the old gal. If anyone can live forever, it'll be her.

Sources
History of the Irish Race by Seamus MacManus
The Sons of Scotland
Scone Palace
Ask History
Edinburgh Castle
Encyclopedia Britannica
Historic UK

Damn, Girl-Holy Roman Empress Theophano

Holy Roman Empress Theophano (sometimes spelled Theophanu or Theophania), was a Byzantine princess, who has the singular honor of having introduced the fork to Northern Europe. But beyond her taste in cutlery Theophano was also a wise and beloved Empress who helped bring Byzantine culture to the Germans.

Theophano was a Byzantine princess, but she hadn't been 'born in the purple', meaning that she had been born before her father was Emperor. Because of this, she didn't have quite as high of a status as the other princesses, a situation that came in very handy for her uncle John Tzimiskes, when it was his turn to be Emperor.

See, at this time There were a couple of very powerful empires--the Holy Roman, and the Byzantine. Then there was the Italian peninsula, which was a hot mess. The south belonged to the Byzantines, the north to the Germans, and the Arabs kept attacking the entire thing from their home base in Italy. Out of the two empires the Holy Roman was weaker, so it was no surprise when Otto I decided to try for a marriage alliance between the two states.

Admittedly, John Tzimiskes wasn't super keen to ally with the Germans. He did need their militaristic support, but in his mind the Byzantines were waaaaayy better than the Germans, and he couldn't let the Holy Roman Empire think that they stood on equal grounds, so instead of sending a princes who was 'born in the purple' as requested, he sent Theophano.

Otto I wasn't happy that he hadn't gotten the 'born in the purple' princess he'd requested, but Theophano brought most of southern Italy with her as a dowry, so Otto got over that complaint really quickly, and  Theophano married Otto II. Otto I didn't have too much time to feel bitter, because he died shortly before their wedding, leaving Theophano with only one in law to deal with, the iron willed Adelaide of Italy.

While the Germans like Theophano, many of them thought her odd. The Byzantine empire was known for its luxurious, decadent ways, and Theophano was a product of that 'decadence'. She talked too much, she bathed every day, and, strangest of all, she used a two pronged utensil to bring food to her mouth (aka a fork), instead of eating with her hands like everyone else.

Theophano and Otto II being crowned
and blessed by Jesus Christ.

Weird foreignness aside, Theophano was an excellent empress. Much like her mother-in-law Adelaide, Theophano lucked out, and was good friends with Otto II. They jointly ruled their empire for about ten years, waging war against the neighboring French, and protecting their lands from Arabs and internal dissent. They had five children together, four of whom survived to adulthood. Then, in 983, Otto died.

Fortunately, Theophano had popped out another Otto, and so Otto III took the throne. Unfortunately, Otto III was only three years old at the time, so Theophano assumed the regency. She and her mother-in-law Adelaide combined forces to rule the empire, and kept the whole thing together. During her regency she repelled another French attack, appointed public and church officials, and ruled Italy, all while maintaining a close relationship with her son. She so influenced Otto III that after her death in 991 he basically ran the Holy Roman Empire in the ground trying to make it more like the beloved Byzantine Empire that his mother spoke so fondly of.


After her death Adelaide took over as regent for Otto III, and, because Adelaide didn't particularly like Theophano, she refused to have annual services read on the date of Theophano's death. A smear campaign against her started soon after, and so Theophano wasn't fondly remembered in Germany. She was, and is, however, remembered in modern Turkey, the land of her birth, where she is remembered as a wise and capable leader.

Sources
Theophano of Byzantium
Theophano, Empress and Regent
Theophano, Holy Roman Empress
The Princess Theophano